"The training and racing experiences have shown me sides of myself that I never knew existed. I've found perseverance, an ability to focus, stubbornness, compulsiveness, bravery, organization, a sense of humor, and a capacity for unbridled joy. "
It's funny...because over the last 7 months I have made more changes in my life than I swear some people actually make in a lifetime! It's been a bit of an overwhelming journey...and what's strange is that I have had an abundance of support...but because changing multiple aspects of your life at the same time is such a solo journey...it's been lonely at times. It’s also been hard to explain to some people who ask me why I am doing what I am doing. I can only say that I am doing it because it didn't feel right not to...I didn't feel healthy looking back I am not sure that I was happy...and above all when it comes time to have a family I want to be a good example for my children. I must admit that I am a live in the moment kind of girl...appreciate what I have now and experience that time to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow will bring. But at the same time I know that there are certain things I have to do today in this moment for my future...because I want to make sure that I am the very best version of myself today and everyday after. Even so...even with that explanation I have still met with some very...surprisingly so...unsupportive people. I was even called selfish by someone very close to me...because I am spending so much time working on my own self rather than going out to drink...and going out to dinner...and staying up late. I can honestly say that although it may seem selfish...I am going for a whole lifestyle change and for the most part...at least right now...it doesn't include a lot of drinking, staying up late or eating out. And I can't say that me choosing my life my health and my future is selfish...I think it's smart and just exactly what I have to do right now...because I am in a place in my life where right now I can choose myself. Additionally my running isn't just your casual distance run...I still can't quite place my finger on where I want to go with this but it is somewhere...and I do feel like I am training...and this is something that I love and am taking very seriously...and I am willing to give up certain things to accommodate this desire right now.
That being said when I saw the quote I posted above I really felt justified in the way that I am feeling right now. My training has brought me to all different levels...and I most certainly have found aspects of myself I never knew existed and even some aspects that I knew existed but that I had lost along the way. Who are we kidding I am very stubborn but I feel like if I am going to be stubborn it should be in a manner that is going to help me...so yes I stubbornly run 6 days a week rain, heat, snow, ice...it doesn't matter I am doing it! I have such a focus a drive a dedication a determination...it's an awesome feeling...so awesome that I am ok with the things I have eliminated from my life to make room for running. It has also given me a since of balance my job is going well, I feel stronger, and with my friendships and relationships I am very focused on building and strengthening the ones that mean the most to me. Training has forced me to become more organized I know it's an extremely important part of my life...but it's not the only part and I am dedicated to making everything I do on a daily basis work together! I don't want to have one thing over another...I want to be able to do it all and have it all...I want a well rounded balanced life! All in all I think it does take bravery to make changes like this...to change your life like this...to almost do the exact opposite of what people normally do...this is not a regular plan...and it takes perseverance and a thick skin to maintain your reasoning for the choices you are making and to be strong enough to take criticism and skeptical looks...and at times renegotiate friendships and relationships when they no longer work in your life as they once did. The last 7 months have been an amazing experience filled with highs and lows...filled with finding out who I am and who those around me really are...filled with figuring out what direction I am taking and just what path I want to take to get there...it's been a strange trip...and an exciting one...and I look forward to the many changes and adventures I have ahead of me...that will no doubt lead to unbridled joy!
