I will prevail...

Sooo...last week was sort of a tough week...I fell on my face Thursday during my run...Thursday night I tried to pinball myself across 35 during the snow storm...Friday was a bit emotional...pretty sure I had post traumatic stress syndrome from the near death experience the night before...not to mention I was in a lot of pain...and Saturday well I decided to end the week with the stomach flu! However through all of that...I managed to run...a lot! What can I say...I'm a freak...I love to run...and it makes me feel better when I do it! I think I feel worse when things happen and I don't get to run...in fact all I could think of on Saturday as I sunk into the deep dark depths of the current stomach bug going around...was at least I finished my 10 miles! But I must say...the events over the last few days...sort of shook my faith! Was I hurting myself doing all this running...do I need to cut back...am I not eating right...how the hell do I hydrate to account for all this madness! These are really questions I can't answer...but the one thing that's keeping me going...is that I just love to do it! I am aware that running is very stressful on the body...and I am also aware that right now the thought of doing a 20 mile training run is very scary! However...I am strong and confidant and extremely motivated which keeps me in perspective...and above all...I know I can do it...and that I will be ready to do that run when the time comes! In fact I think I took dedication to a whole new level on Saturday...and I saw how tough I really was! It was so cold that the only real way to do the 10 mile run was inside on an indoor track...and 90 laps...1 hour and 50 minutes...and the onset of the flu at about mile 8 later...my first 10 mile run was completed! And I never stopped once...I kept the pace steady...and was very happy about my accomplishment!

I think all you can really hope for is to find something that you love to do...and to set goals for your self that are achievable for you...maybe it doesn't have to be so crazy as a marathon...maybe it's a 5k or a 10k...or to walk or run your course faster than you did the week before! It's all about you and your goals and your mindset! I do have to say...and I know I should probably take my own advice...be mindful of your body and what it's telling you it needs! I know I have a tendency to listen to the runners high my body wants...and not to listen to the rest that my body may need...but I realize that about myself...and am working on it ;). It's super important to find the right balance...so that you may continue to love what you do!

"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something"
Thomas Alva Edison

And we all fall down...

So...I totally wiped out today 2 miles into my 5 mile run!  Thankfully I am the most AMAZING faller...because I was able to flatten out...and keep my face up...so in the end I didn't hurt anything...well maybe I have a banged up elbow...and I may have had the wind knocked out of me...but I recovered quickly and finished the run!  But this sort of got me thinking...we all fall down sometimes!  At times it’s possible to fall harder than other times...but we all bite the dust every now and then...whether physically or metaphorically...I think that’s just life!  It’s hard...and every day is a challenge...but like a great run...life is rewarding...but very clearly has its bumps in the road.  But we can’t let those bumps define who we are anymore then we can let one fall end our run!  I guess I could have gone inside after I fell...but I had only done two miles...I didn’t want to stop...and there was no reason to I was fine...got my adrenaline pumping a bit...but that's not such a bad thing! 

I don’t know about any of you...but I for sure don't want the hard or tricky times to be what define who I am...I want to define who I am based on how I handle those difficult times!  It does seem like every day we are dealt a new hand of challenges...relationships are hard to maintain, work is overwhelming, the kids are bouncing off the walls, the house needs to be cleaned, the laundry is piling up, the dog needs to go out...I think you get my drift!  Life is the universal balancing act...and some days we keep ourselves up right...and other days...we trip and fall on our faces...and we feel like we should just go home...go to bed and try for a more balanced day tomorrow! 

I think it’s important that we remember to do things in our lives that help provide us with balance.  It's so easy to get bogged down by the hard things in life...we really have to fight to surround ourselves with what provides us with positive thoughts and feelings.  As with anything...the feelings that stick with us the most...are normally the negative ones...I don't know why...maybe they have more of a dramatic impact on our lives or maybe we hold them closer so that we can learn from whatever mistake may have lead to these feelings originally.  Whatever the reason...it’s our nature to do this...and I know in my life it’s important that daily I give myself all the positive thoughts, feelings and emotions that I can because I know that I want my life to be characterized by the positive rather than the negative. 

These days I find these happy thoughts stem from running and yoga...and I try to do as much of both as I can.  It’s hard to find the time...but with anything...I have to balance my running and my yoga into my life...and make them both a priority.  And I can honestly say that during the course of the last four months my list of priorities have changed completely also...daily I feel that my life is starting to be in the right order...and I am learning what is most important in my life.  Plus...these two things I have incorporated into my life...make me happy...and when I am happy I am calmer...and when I am calmer I am more focused...and when I am more focused I do my work better...and when I do my work better I feel more successful...and when I am more successful I feel more empowered...I could go on and on...but I think you get that one thing leads to another and another.  This is not just professionally either...I feel like I want to let people into my life and open up more to those that are already part of my life.  Focusing on the positive rather than the negative has lead to some amazing realizations in myself...both good and bad...but these realizations will ultimately make me stronger...happier...and more balanced...hopefully keeping the "falling" to a minimum...and giving me the strength to better handle the situation when I do fall. 

Happy balancing everyone...and drive safely home today...it's snowy out there :)

"Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward."

Hale the tredmill!?!?

So due to the fact that it was raining ice this morning...and the last thing I need to do is fall down...I opted for a 4 mile run on the tredmill...YUCK!  However...a funny thing happend on that tredmill today...I found a new appreciation for it!  It was sort of great...because I did the first 2 miles at 5.2 mph (11.5 minute mile pace) then decided that the last two needed to be quicker...so I bumped it up to 6 mph (10 minute mile pace) and the thing about a tredmill is...if you dont keep up you will fly off...so you better keep up!  It hurt but I kept up!  Now I think I have decided that once or twice a week I may do my 3 mile runs on the tredmilll so that I can increase my pace...its hard to do outside in the ice, rain, snow and wind we have been having...what a great way to push myself!  Who knew...you learn something new everyday! :)

"Each day learn something new, and just as important, relearn something old." 

Teach me your running ways oh wise one...

I now take requests :)...my friend Jake commented on my FB status...and asked me to teach him my running ways :).  I don't really have any running ways to teach...all I can say is that the first couple weeks you do it...it will hurt...and you will want to quit...and it will be cold...and you will probably not be able to breathe...but then you will start to feel AMAZING...and your clothes will fit better...and you will have more energy...and you will suddenly want to do it!  The trick I have found is making sure you do it at a consistent time...a time that works for you and a time that you know you will for sure accomplish your mission!  I picked the morning...for the obvious reason that I have yoga at night...and then I just want to be LAZY for a little while before bedtime!  Plus...doing it in the morning ensures a runners high for the entire day!  My best advice...find a routine that works for you!  It’s all about you being able to maintain your program!  And its possible running isn’t the thing for you...there are lots of other fitness activities out there!  Once you find what works...you will begin to enjoy the rewards...and honestly it just becomes a habit...but remember to form a habit does take 30 days!  Oh one more thing...try to do it with a smile on your face...I think it tricks the body into thinking that your really having fun...and who are we kidding it’s in our nature to do things that make us have lots of fun!!!! 

Happy running (or walking or jogging or biking...or whatever you so chose to do!)

"Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss."

Chasing dreams...

Sometimes years, months, weeks, days, and moments pass so quickly that we forget to appreciate what we have...what we accomplish...whose in our lives...and most of all we forget to asses where we are going. I'll be the first to admit...there were about 4 years of my life where I just couldn't figure out how to get myself completely together. Now in those 4 years of course I had a great many number of accomplishments...a new job, new house, masters degree...but there was a link in this chain...something missing that left me drifting. In the lovely words of Taylor Swift...I was a flight risk...with a fear of falling! I had sort of "failed" at a few big things during that point in my life...and it was easier to turn away from things and hide...rather than figure out how to make things better. But after A LOT of self analysis...and vodka :) I came to the realization...only I have the ability to make myself happy....and only I can let go of the things that happened in the past...so that they don't affect me in the present. Only I can set goals and work diligently to achieve them. When it all finally clicked...is when I decided that I no longer wanted to hide behind my weight...I wanted to shake that barrier I had built up and find myself again. What an eye opening experience...I remembered things about myself I had completely forgotten...above all my love of running! But things happened on other levels to...I opened up more to people...and let people be part of my life on a level that I really hadn't in many years. I decided that my future does hold a place for a family...and that this life is better when shared with others. I remembered that I love my job...but that I also want to help the world...so I decided to start with agreeing to coach cross country in the fall. I remembered that we only get this one life and we should live each day as if it were our last...because a life with out regret...is a life worth living. I remembered that I was always happiest when running...and that it gives me this clear vision of my life...and the opportunity to chase my dreams as well as the time to create them! This new found focus is empowering...and exciting. I feel like I have opened up a whole new world to myself...and my plan is to continue to move forward and create my own opportunities...to remember that I control my life and my future...My destiny will be what I want it to be...my dreams and goals are plentiful...and I am in love with the strength and determination I now see in myself.

“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.”

With a smile...

I totally ran 9 miles today....and smiled the entire time:)

Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day.  ~Author Unknown

Sometimes even my motivation is shaken...

So I think it is safe to say...this has been a tough week!  My motivation to run waivered on more than one occasion...today included!  After a restless night sleep I did finally get out of bed at 6:30...I knew what I had to do...but I have to say...it was a hard choice!  I do have to mention that the thought of posting on my blog that I didn't run...helped to get me moving...so thanks everyone out there...you may have helped more then you know!  With a 9 mile run looming on my horizon this weekend...I opted for just a 3 mile run.  And what’s funny...the second I took my first step I knew it was going to be a good run...I got into my Zen Zone right away!  My breathing was light and easy...and you would never know there was snow coving the sidewalks...my pace was quick!  I think we all have days or weeks even that are harder than others...where not doing something is easier than doing something...but...and I know I have said this before...the end result is what has to keep you moving!  Now the end result can be a long term goal...that race you are training for...or a short term goal...the runners high you get to have all day...or maybe a combo of both...it just has to be your personal motivation!  In fact...I have found myself...without even meaning to...steadily motivating myself for my 7:30am 9 mile run tomorrow.  Once you do it regularly...and by it I mean...be YOUR biggest fan...it becomes second nature...the pep talks just happen subconsciously!  There is nothing in the world like being cheered on and praised...but sometimes…like at 6am…there is no one there to do that...and you need to rely on your own self motivation!  It’s an empowering feeling really...when you take that control into your own hands...and start to move in the direction that’s best for you and provides your happy!

Thanks again everyone...wouldn't have gotten out of bed without you this morning!

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

Sidebar...a Zen zone

Zen...enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation, and intuition...

So I may talk a lot about the Zen state of running in my blog...so I feel that I should explain what I mean!  Essentially running is a very boring thing to do!  But something tends to happen in approximately the first 10 minutes of a run...that makes it anything but boring!  I call that the Zen Zone!  It’s the place where a distance runner becomes astutely aware of their thoughts and breathing.  It’s the time during the run where a runner virtually goes into a meditative state and the time and the mileage pass without your knowledge.  It's the time when a runner becomes aware of themselves and their dreams and goals.  I swear I could solve all the worlds problems in one very long distance run!  It’s an amazing sensation that makes your life well worth the effort of a run!   

 

"Normally, we do not so much look at things as overlook them"

Sidebar...How did you do that?

For those of you that have seen me lately you may have noticed that I have in fact lost some weight....inevitably this realization leads to 3 different questions...Have you lost weight?  How much have you lost?  How did you do it? 

The thing is...I didn't do it by magic...I just sort of did it.  But I think it’s only fair to go back three years because that’s about how long I have been trying to do it!  Life is weird...and it takes us in crazy directions...and it’s way easier to swing by the drive thru and grab dinner then it is to make dinner...and it’s easier to X out the workout written on your to do list rather than do it...because who are we kidding...if something has to go during the course of the day...that’s probably going to be it...it’s the easiest thing to just do tomorrow...when other things come up that are far more pressing!  That is until it becomes vital that working out has to become a top priority...then you do it because you know you really really have to!  And that is sort of what landed me in the position I am in today...it became vital!  At the same time though it clicked for me and became a mind set...the three years that I didn’t lose the weight it was because I just wasn’t ready to change my life...then one day I just was!  And that is when I changed my ways...I got serious about yoga...then I added running...then I started watching my calorie intake!  Now none of this is at all easy...and it’s beyond time consuming...thank God for livestrong.com...it’s helped me track my calories and fitness and is far easier then writing it all out by hand!  But the results are outstanding...when you suddenly have this cool new body...and you can do yoga positions you never used to be able to do...and when you drop from a size 16 to a size 10...then you want to jump out of bed...and go for that run at 6am because you look and feel fantastic!  I don't eat anything special...case in point...the large Papa John's Pizza I consumed in its entirety on Friday night...but what I do make sure of...is that I account for those calories [and no I don't eat pizza everyday...but maybe I will cheat and eat something like that  once a week :)]...my days are planned...I know what I am eating before I even eat it...it sounds obsessive...but it’s the only way I have found that works for me...I have to make sure that the amount of calories I take in...is less than the amount of calories I burn...it’s the key!  It also helped that I love love love running and yoga...so I was able to find something that I enjoy doing and want to spend my time doing...also clutch in this pursuit to better yourself!  I think in life to be successful you have to enjoy what you are doing and want to continue to do it...it’s been some time since I have believed in setting long and short term goals...but I have now set both long and short term goals...which helps to keep me focused and motivated.  I also have a strong desire to be happy...this life is far too short to spend even a minute of it unhappy...so I am constantly searching for things that make me happy and change my life in positive ways...it’s how I want to live my life!  Now it clearly took some time for me to get to this point...but having this desire to always live the best life possible is something I will never take for granted again...life is just too short for that!

‎"People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you're fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly."

And then there was me...

So Some days I am lucky enough to run with my two best friends, Mary and Erin.  Its a great little support system and an outstanding reason to get the heck out of bed...when you know they are going to be at your house!  Other days though...its just me out there!  Today was one of those other days!  Its hard to pump yourself up...when you know its 9 degrees outside and there is 3 inches of snow covering the sidewalks...but the alternative is not running or the tredmill...neither of which am I a fan of!  It also didnt help that I watched Law and Order SVU last night before I went to bed...that will put all kinds of crazy thoughts in your head when you are running and its still dark!  None the less I bounced out the door at about 6:20!  The first 3 miles were so hard...I did not find my runners Zen!  But about half way through the 3rd mile...there it was!  I eased into my pace...and I found my footing in the snow...and I breezed through the last 2.5 miles...with a smile...cause I knew that hour of my life was going to make me feel amazing for the rest of the day!  Plus....it was just one hour...and I had the whole rest of the day ahead of me...my to do list was virtually completed and it was only 7:30am! We all have to do things...pretty much every day...that we just are not motivated to do...but when we push through all those negative feelings...and we find our pace...and a smile...the end result is usually well worth the effort!

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.  The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use."

The hills were alive...with disc golfers and sledders

So a funny thing happens when you aren't on level ground...your hamstrings hurt! So in preparation for the ultra hilly Flying Pig marathon...and considering my last serious hill workout was probably cross country season circa 1997....I decided the sooner the better on those hill workouts! So I apparently felt the need to punish myself for the lack of getting up to run this morning...because I decided to turn my 20 to 30 minute recovery run into a 30 minute hill workout...i guess it's ok to change the training schedule around as long as it adds more challenge...not less...lol! So to Belmont Park I go to run the lower Belmont hill loop...about 10.5 minutes of sheer painful hills! It was at that time...that I realized I better do these hill workouts...way more often or I might not get past the first 3 miles of the marathon! Did I mention the snow...if not let me take a second to do so....THERE WAS A TON OF IT! Seeing as I was in lower Belmont...there was some serious drifts and accumulation...which just added to the intensity! I was going to try to do 3 loops...but in the end settled for one...I decided that dodging the sledders...the die hard disc golfers and the dogs...was taking this workout to a level far out of my relm! Bet you think it ends there right...nope! The next best hill is the Russet Hill...so after I ran that 4 times...and circled my block once...my 30 minutes had expired...and it was time to go in and change for yoga! I guess what I learned from this run...I love level terrain...I have a strong desire to become a hill running master...and I absolutely love anyone that shovels the sidewalk in front of their house!

I think I also need to give a shout out to those die hard disc golfers...I love people that show passion for something...in any positive form!

"The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path it's fulfillment."

And it almost didn't happen....

So they say it takes 30 days to form a habit...today I decided that after about 120 days it must become part of your moral fiber! I did the unthinkable this morning and hit snooze! I had a personal day from work...and the plumber was coming and I was tired and I was just going to do it later...I'm sure I could think of many more excuses but really in the end...I just didn't get up! Indeed the plumber came...and I cleaned the house while he fixed the pipe under the sink...the whole time I had this nagging feeling....why didn't I already run! After the pipe was fixed and the house was clean...I decided...why take a whole personal day...so I got dressed and went to work...everything crossed off the to do list...except for my run! So here is where it gets tricky....the reason I run in the morning is because I am bad at running after work! Thank God for my focus...it kept me motivated all day...I guess it was motivation...with a side of guilt! What was I thinking...I am training for a marathon...I have a training schedule to keep and follow...and yes...I guess I could have flip flopped my days around...and not have run today...but that just didn't sit well with me! 4:00 on the dot I flew out of work...got home...tossed on my running clothes and did just exactly what I should have done 11 hours before! As I write this I am seeing a level of dedication in myself that has not been there since high school cross country...to some the motivation/guilt may sound crazy...to me...it's just something I love and enjoy...that makes me feel good about myself. Granted as with anything that you love and enjoy it's possible to disappoint yourself...Which may be the worst kind of disappointment! Thankfully that crazy determination of mine...pulled through in the end...I even threw in a yoga class after...you know...just for fun!

"you've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction."

Hittin the snooze....

Today was difficult....that stupid alarm kept going off...5am 5:10am 5:20am...finally 5:30am I turned the damn thing off and reluctantly got up!  I guess I could have hit the snooze again...and just stayed put...but considering yesterday was a "rest" day...and not the "best" day I thought I should get myself up and out of bed and dressed for my run...with hopes that the rest of the day would be far better than yesterday!  When I looked out the window I was for sure relieved not to see much snow on the ground...but it was coming!  And I had to laugh to myself...I was totally going to try to beat the snow...who thinks things like this at 5:30am!  I got dressed...put the dog on leash and was out the door at 6am!  My friend Mary had just pulled in...She had the same tired look I did!  I smiled and said hello!  She grumbled...lol...threw her keys in the mailbox and said...so what are we doing today...just four!  We both laughed...who in their right mind says just four...when did four become an easy day!  The loops passed quickly...as we chatted about love, life, marriage, the new book I am reading, school...all the girl talk you would normally have over coffee and drinks...just at 6am...while running just four miles!  We were strong and confidant as we finished our run...the day had already started far better than yesterday had...when I really did hit the snooze.  50 minutes of my life to have a runners high all day...I have to say I am a far bigger fan of the days I run then I am the days I "rest"!

"I don't think anything is unrealistic if you believe you can do it." ~ Mike Ditka